Fairesy occurs when you feel angry or resentful because you think that someone (or the world) has treated you unfairly. This happens frequently in the writing world when you feel that someone is benefiting from your work without proper credit or compensation. It also happens when you feel your work is being rejected or condemned for seemingly arbitrary reasons or when you believe that you are being held to a different standard than someone else.
Here is an example of fairesy:
Poor self talk: It isn’t fair! I just picked up the latest copy of Magazine X and they are running an article about the benefits of water aerobics. I queried them with that exact same idea six months ago. They ripped off my idea and they are running it as if it’s their own. They took my query and assigned it to someone else. The editor knows it was my idea and he rejected it because it was “not right for their audience”. What a bunch of lying cheats.
Realistic self talk: I just picked up the latest copy of Magazine X and they are running an article about the benefits of water aerobics. I queried them with that exact same idea six months ago. They didn’t like the idea at the time, but I guess this proves it wasn’t a bad an idea after all. I may have caught the editor on an off day. It would have been nice to land that article, but I’ve got better things to do than dwell on it.
Some ways to avoid fairesy:
- Accept that sometimes you won’t get the things you deserve
- Ask yourself if an issue is worth getting upset about
- Ask yourself what the appropriate response to the situation is
- Try to determine the most positive step you can take to improve the situation
- Move on
Note: The terminology I am using from an excellent textbook called Stress Management for Wellness by Walt Schafer.